How to Revamp Your Old Lamps

I inherited a pair of some of my grandmothers old lamps about three years ago. They spent an embarrassingly long time in my family storage unit before being pulled out when I moved into my apartment, placed on their respective surfaces and forgotten about. Sort of. I’ve always wanted to revamp them some how but (a) didn’t have the time or (b) even though they were given to me didn’t feel I had the right to make such a huge change, or (c) didn’t want to risk doing something drastic and then hating them.

this sad little lamp is in desperate need of a makeover

Unfortunately it became increasingly apparent they were too dark and gave off – with the nearly opaque shade – too little light for my space. While my apartment is bright and full of light during the day, once the sun goes down it’s nothing but romantic mood lighting thanks to these two twin lamps. So after trolling a few DIY blogs, watching a few YouTube tutorial videos and thumbing some of my mom’s old decorating magazines I took the plunge and called my sister.

I whined about having to take such a long bus ride to the RONA on Warden and how it was so cold and how I could possibly die from a random bus crash if she didn’t agree to drive me there, and share in the experience of this lamp revamp. I gathered my lofty goals and inspired ideas and shoved them, along with my wallet, into my back pocket before skipping out to the street to wait for Alex.

If your local hardware or big box store offers paint tester cans (usually around $3 – $6) take full advantage, you shouldn’t need more than that to complete small projects like this. There is no point in buying a large quantity of paint for such a small project. Save your money for flats of Arizona Ice Tea you’re going to send me for Christmas. Kidding. Sort of.

Sadly the paint specialist at RONA informed me they did not offer paint tester cans but maybe I wanted to try spray painting them instead. Let me point out that I have never used spray paint. I’ve seen it being used but always imagined my lungs would fill with aerosal paint and I would die. I’m unlucky that way. Alex pointed out that spray paint would be easier and cheaper than her driving me around the city on my mission for tester cans, which she made quite plain was not going to be happening.

Do you know how many colours they make in spray paint? All the colours of the rainbow. I had initially wanted to paint the lamps a laquer white but after standing in front of the wall of spray paint was easily knocked off my decorating path. My apartment is painted a soft grey and I have mostly white furniture, so I suddenly felt there needed to be pops of colour in places other than the throw pillows. I’m about to admit something that totally goes against my character but I chose a warm yellow (aptly named marigold) to spray paint the lamps. Rust-Oleum Painters Touch Marigold with Gloss ($5.95) 

When I got home I laid down a two garbage bags to protect the floor (one day I will have a shed, garage or attic to do my DIY projects in) and shook the can while dancing to We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift . For all of you novice spray painters, here is a great tip: you want to make sure you continue shaking your can and always reshake whenever you stop and start spraying again or it will come out gloopy or not at all.

the scene of the crime

You want to apply a few thin even coats and avoid intense thick coats because they will drip and run and ruin the overall aesthetic of the project. Also wait a few minutes between coats to allow the previous coat to dry somewhat, this will avoid a build up of wet paint. Hurrah!

my newly marigold lamp keeping the fishing frog and x360 controller company

I still need to haul my lazy a$$ up to FabricLand and grab some fabric for the new shades but here is the project as it stands, partially completed. Take to the comments and tell me what you think! Do you have any tips or tricks or suggestions? I’m completely open.

How to Redecorate on a Budget – Part One: Listing the Changes and Expenses

I have always loved the saying, “when life hands you lemons make lemonade” but I have always preferred iced tea, and a definite plan, over lemonade, any day. When it comes to vacations, road trips and impromptu dance parties I am Mr. Spontaneous but when it comes to life-changing decisions then I’ll need a day, or so, to formulate a new course plan. So, when E announced she was going to be moving in with her boyfriend within the next four months – a minimum of three months before our year lease expired – I had to quickly think of a plausible Plan B.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation I suggest sitting down and writing down a list of people you know are looking for new apartments. Remember to be honest with yourselves when it comes to the pros of living with your friends as well as the cons; the last thing you want is to ruin a friendship by living together. Who did I ask to take over the lease? You’ll need to wait to find out.

I have always found redecorating innately therapeutic and can really help you change the entire energy within your space by painting a door into the new chapter of your life. A lot of people assume ‘redecorating’ means taking a giant red marker and x’ing out everything in your apartment or house and starting from scratch but it’s completely untrue. Once you’ve caught the redecorating bug there is a tendency to lose sight of what you initially didn’t like about the room and get lost in the details, so sit down and make a list of what exactly you want to change.

This is your chance to clarify your design by putting it down on paper, even if only in point-form notes. It doesn’t need to make sense to someone else, it just needs to be something you can refer to later on, if you feel overwhelmed. If you have multiple changes in several different rooms then I would suggest breaking up your lists to be organized by room. B would probably advise you to carry a small, albeit fashionable, notebook or day-timer to keep on your person ready for notes whenever genius strikes you but A would simply yank out her iPhone and tap down the note on the app.

Do whatever works for you.

Your note should look something like this:

So, once you have your list(s) all listed-out, it’s time for you to start web-surfing, catalogue perusing and app-scrolling to come up with an affordable budget. This part can be tricky because we, poor twenty-somethings, can have a habit of getting discouraged by the cost. But, remember, you are the captain of this redesign and there are many ways you can achieve the look you want with a little creativity.

Don’t be afraid to shop around. There is nothing wrong with a little thrift-store diving to make your dream room come alive. DIY was not created by the rich, so take full advantage of the furniture you have or pieces you’ve collecting dust around the house.

The most important thing to do is not focus too much on buying everything new and learning to reuse what you have. There are an innumerable number of sites on the internet dedicated to teaching people how to take what they have and completely repurpose it. Have you checked out Ikea Hackers? Or Young House Love? Or even spending an hour perusing different videos on YouTube. Can we discuss the black-hole of creativity which some call Pinterest?

Lemonade is an easy way out of any problem but it takes dedication to make the perfect room possible, especially on a budget, so start with a list, create your budget and go crazy, within it. You’ll be surprised how creative you get when you want to stretch that budget. Remember to shop around before making any purchases, you don’t want to buy paint only to find out you could’ve saved $20, somewhere else.

Also, if you live in an apartment building, meander over to where tenants have thrown out old furniture pieces (I would generally stay away from couches, mattresses or any fabric-covered piece – bed bugs! SCREECH!) and see what you can repurpose. One of my friends, and co-workers, repurposed an old bookshelf into a new bar with some paint, wrapping paper and stick-press lights.

If the piece you decided to DIY becomes a hawt-mess, take comfort in the fact you paid next to nothing for the supplies and the actual piece is free – drag it back out to the garbage or try again.

Just remember your plan and keep your list handy.

How to Make Lemon Squares

Fugzu, CC-BY-2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I love lemon squares. Sometimes I pretend to be planning a benefit or large birthday party, so I feel justified in buying one of every cupcake and bar they sell – if they happen to offer me a discount, well then I have clearly worked magic into my story. I recommend always carrying a clipboard, it helps sell your story. It is a wonder how I am not three-hundred and forty-two pounds, especially when E recently made me thirty lemons squares because I was feeling down. I ate them all in three days.

You would think that would have put me off lemon squares or, at the very least, satiated my need for them. But no, recently, I discovered the bakery three blocks and seventeen steps from my apartment sells lemon squares the size of bricks, which are require two hands to eat. Some people would be happy with just one but I am a greedy pig; who prefers to unhinge my jaw before I drop those lemon square bricks down the hatch.  A sane person would ask me why I just don’t learn to make them myself, so I could make tons and eat them in the privacy of my own apartment. Eating seventy-nine lemon squares in one night doesn’t count if nobody sees you eat them, I firmly believe that. I also believe if you eat them while walking around your apartment then you are working them off, the calories do not have time to settle or something.

It’s scientific or something.

But, in any case, here is a recipe I could use … if I was ever inclined to die young, from a sugar induced stroke.

Ingredients

• 2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
• 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1 cup butter, melted
• 4 eggs
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 5/8 cup lemon juice

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9×13 inch pan.
2. In a medium bowl, stir together 2 cups flour and confectioners’ sugar. Blend in the melted butter. Press into the bottom of the prepared pan.
3. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes, or until golden. In a large bowl, beat eggs until light. Combine the sugar, baking powder and 1/4 cup of flour so there will be no flour lumps. Stir the sugar mixture into the eggs. Finally, stir in the lemon juice. Pour over the prepared crust and return to the oven.
4. Bake for an additional 30 minutes or until bars are set. Allow to cool completely before cutting into bars.

(credit to allrecipes.com for the recipe)

How to Make Vegetarian Eggplant Lasagna Without Pasta Noodles

Gran, CC-BY-3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I love to eat. I hate to cook, especially when I am doing it for one. There is something truly depressing about the thought of eating alone, which is probably why I choose chips or other grazing foods, such as:

1. Crackers
2. Granola bars
3. Bread
4. Carrots, dipped in hummus
5. Celery, with cream cheese

All these foods can be consumed while standing or moving, which distracts from the fact you are eating alone. You can hold the celery in between your teeth while you hang curtains or paint your living room. You can munch on carrots while you clean your kitchen. Granola bars can be eaten enroute to work or school. You can hold your head up high and state to the empty room,

“I am just too busy to sit down, I am working toward my career” 

Then, because you are secure in your solitude, you reach into the freezer to retrieve the double, double chocolate fudge from behind the lean cuisine you swore you would stick to. But, considering single twenty-somethings’, like myself, adverse to cooking, would probably die on a diet like that, need to bring themselves to man the stove.

The first thing I learned to cook was cheesy black bean tortillas. I had gained ten pounds after a month, so I went back to salad and decided to drink more water … I may have even exercised, once or twice. Because, although comfortable with being alone, I also do not want to die of a heart attack by twenty-nine.

So, I learned to make other things … with a little help from my friends. And three cookbooks. And my sister because she was patient with me. And my cousin because she refused to accept “I just don’t like that” and made me eat it anyway.

No-Pasta Eggplant Lasagna
8 Servings

2 medium eggplants
1 Ib tofu (extra firm)
1 green bell pepper
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
10 oz freshly chopped spinach
1/4 cup blue cheese (gives an extra bite)
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp basil
1 can of tomato sauce
1 bag of shredded cheese (your choice, I like extra old cheddar)

Cut each eggplant lengthwise into moderately thin, even, 1/4 inch slices. Press each slice between two sheets of paper towel, this will draw out the moisture without having to add salt. When you are satisfied most of the water has been drawn out, preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Place the tofu and spinach and green pepper and blue cheese into a food processor (or magic bullet) and process (or blend) until smooth. Add the remaining ingredients – not the eggplant or tomato sauce – to the processor and blend until smooth.

Spread a thin layer of the sauce on the bottom of a 9×11 inch pan. Place a layer of eggplant over the sauce, covering the entire bottom of the pan. Spread half the tofu mixture on the eggplant. Cover with another layer of eggplant and then spread remaining tofu mixture over top of that. Top with a final layer of eggplant and pour the remaining sauce over this. Cover with foil and bake for 15 – 2o minutes; remove foil and back for an additional 15 – 20 minutes, until eggplant is tender.

Add a sprinkle of cheese to the top of the eggplant lasagna and broil for ten minutes, or until cheese is golden brown. Allow to cool for ten minutes before serving.

This is a delicious recipe and something you can share with your friends. And your patient sister … who will, in turn, sprinkle ground beef on it because she cannot imagine you served her a meal without meat – oh, family.

social issues: single ladies guide to finding their own gay best friend

credit to fanpop.com

So, my lonely friend, you have tried your hand at love and failed? You have mastered the sultry smile of the unapologetically wanton woman leering from across the bar, shaken that perfectly stair-mastered posterior all around the dance floor and trolled the interwebs while scarfing down pizza and beer for thatone special profile but still find yourself alone cuddling Mr. BoJangles – your fourteen year old cat – every night?

The dating world can be a cruel place for a woman of a certain age (twenty-nine) and unfortunately, will only grow harder as each wrinkle-forming moment pass you by. No man in his right mind would want a normal looking woman when the twenty-two year old waitress is flouncing around the bar hanging on their every ridiculous word; it’s enough to drive any woman to drink or animal hoarding or both. Remember the crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons? She bought her first puss on her thirtieth birthday.

I am sure you have already convinced yourself that you – being the modern single lady – do NOT need a man to complete you. In this day and age all a single woman needs is a NetFlix account and the door prize you won during your co-workers bachelorette party but you would love the companionship of a handsome sun-kissed Adonis to share your popcorn with. And I am sure his defined abs would make a fine place to rest your head.

Bitch, it’s about time you to give up on that tired straight dream and find yourself a gay. Since the late-nineties they have replaced diamonds as a girls best friend and you can accessorize one with every outfit – honey, they will even pick it out for you! The best part is they will bitch with you over cocktails about those happily married people you use to call friends or take you dancing after a bad break-up and you can ask them anything about their sex lives, they have no shame.

And where can you find one of these gays? Look no further than the internet or SLICE TV to find your own gay replacementship.

These days every fashionable woman on television has a fabulous gay friend, they have become the staple of the modern day woman. Whether you are sixteen or sixty-five you should have Prada on your shoulder and a gay on your arm – it’s really the only way to navigate 2012. But where were these straight female/gay male matches born? Who were the trailblazing women of our time? Jen Lindley, Grace Adler and Carrie Bradshaw were the truly fearless characters who cast of the constraints of societal normalcy and yelled over the conservative culture, “I need a gay!” and presto, we gays became the fashion accessory of every season.

credit to gaygif(t)s

Presently, in 2012, gay best friends are everywhere – a variation on every television show – playing the part of the doting friend, the fabulous cook, the aesthetician, savvy stylist, party planner and therapist, usually for free! You won’t have to pay them for these costly services and when it comes to problems of their own, ahem, what problems? If the storyline doesn’t center around homophobia, coming-out or A.I.D.S it cannot be as important as what dress you are wearing to the senior prom or the two men you’re sorting of seeing.

Let us face the sobering facts here; nowadays Jack McPhee will just not do. Every girl wants a Kurt Hummel – he sings, he dances, he is uber fashionable and he has an arsenal of quippy oneliners ready for any situation – not only does he give sage advice but he does it while improving the quality of your t-zone. Fret not, single lady, I have compiled a list of ways for you to bag yourself your very own gay.

We – the collective homosexuals – all love to shop and are basically chomping the bit to give some – any frumpy marginally obese woman with bad hair – a makeover, so put on your ugliest sweat pants, scrunchy the matted oily hair and troll high-end boutiques. Considering the gays have no children and seem to stay above middle-class you will need to troll the expensive stores to find a gay burning through some of his ‘marginally higher disposable income’ [than straight counterparts]. They also feel safer when congregated in one lone area of the city, so remember to MapBlast clothing stores closest to the gayest part of your city.

Head towards that rainbow and veer right at fabulous.

Or perhaps you know a woman with gay friend of her own? Maybe she is willing to share his services for the night? I recently caught an episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in which a flamboyantly gay best-friend treated all the housewives to botox and restalen injections before dolling them all up for the club for girls night. The women all had the best time they had in years while he stayed behind to clean up the syringes and empty bottles of vodka – he may be more feminine than half the women but being born with a penis makes him ineligible for girls night. The best way to bag a gay-bestie is to have another gay-bestie to introduce you – referrals work great – next thing you know you’ll be grinding up against the hottest young twinks at the local gay bar. Hurrah!

If these tried and true methods do not work for you and you are really desperate you can turn to the internet. Did you know there are now websites which cater to single women looking for gay male companionship, it’s like online dating but without the pressure of a mutually fulfilling future. Once you are matched through whichever means it took to bag your particular gay you are fresh one the way to having a full-blown replacementship.

So, modern lady, I hope this aided you in your search for the gay bestie of your dreams. Now when you skim magazine covers by the grocery checkout stating gay men are ‘in for Spring’ you can hold your head up high because you have one! He has completed your need for companionship and your skin has never looked SO good but you know what you have given him is so much more, you have given him purpose.

And for that he will be eternally grateful.

Though you would imagine there would be greater support for same-sex rights and the anti-homophobia laws would have a greater weight on the public spectrum with all these gay besties running around. There isn’t an award show on television without a gay reporting live on the trends of the red carpet while charming the actors. But honestly who has the time to attend a rally these days? Not with all the man-drama happening in your life, single lady. You wear the rainbow button when it’s appropriate, you have no problem getting hammered at the gay clubs and are always the first to postulate love for the gays but they need to respect your right to keep your head out of the political side of things.

The world of fashion and entertainment view the gays as a wonderful commodity and so should you, think not what you can do for them but how they can serve you …

… one makeover at a time.

are you planning to redecorate your kitchen, like S?

the butterflies in question

Anyone who knows me knows I can never stick to a design plan or scheme for too long before feeling an intense urge to change it up. There is something extremely monotonous about waking up every single day to the same thing, usually it starts with moving around the furniture, maybe sliding a potted plant to the other side of the window sill before I’m resolved to stripping the paint off the walls at three am. This is pretty much how I am feeling about my kitchen. I like to thing the kitchen is one of the most important rooms in the entire house – or in my case apartment. The room is where the food lives and considering I’ve become a ravenous pig in my advanced age, I have been spending a lot more time in there.

When E and I initially moved in we came up with a design plan which included a mustard-yellow accented with brushed silver butterflies. We live within walking distance of the beach and have the luxury of feeling the cool breeze off the water during the summer (and winter, but we were not so amped about that fact) we wanted to make the kitchen as natural feelings as possible. So, ergo, choosing light summery colours for the kitchen.

It was great … for about seven months and now I want to rip each butterfly off the wall and stomp on them.

Living in a rental is a tricky business because you find yourself contending with the previous tenants poor design taste during decorating. The previous tenant in our unit had painted the kitchen a hideous shade of orange – not just the walls but everything else as well, including the cupboards – so, as you can imagine, every once and a while orange pops up to say, ‘hello!’. Orange and I have never really had a great relationship, in fact I hate her guts; she makes my skin appear death-white and turns my kitchen into Anita Bryant’s wet-dream.

So, this time, we are going all out. I figured the cabinets are going to need a new coat of paint and I’ve chosen a bright stark white for them, the same shade as the white IKEA floating shelves. I think this will give the kitchen a nice freshness it’s been lacking, painters white yellows after a few months if not updated. The yellow will be replaced by a deep teal which will not only look fantastic against the white but will serve as a beautiful backdrop to our cooking books, food jars and appliances.

I’m also working on getting E to allow me to buy a beautiful white antique birdcage to hang in the corner by the window, I think it will look great, she doesn’t understand the need for one if we do not even have a bird. She clearly has never gone antiquing before (and – to be honest – I’ve never done it properly) and fell in love with some object you have never needed. Then we will be hanging fabric swatches in matted frames to create a sort of focal point for the walls and to bring some art into the kitchen, something muted which won’t be as ‘in your face’ as the butterflies.

Damn those butterflies.

isn’t teal beautiful?

The most important part about any redecorating challenge is budget for it and really think about what you want to say about the room, this will help you avoid racking up unnecessary charges. It also cannot be something you do on a whim – which is actually a good thing – it will allow you more time properly flesh out exactly what you want to see. I think too many times you think about a redesign in parts and jump on the bandwagon long before you’ve secured wheels to it, suddenly your sitting in a rectangular box with a purple striped wall and no idea where you were going with it.

Do not forget to also pick out what accessories you want to see in the space and properly budget for them as well, this is not just about the paint and the brushes. And finally use the redecoration as an excuse to sit down with your roommate and discuss what you want to keep within the kitchen (coffeemaker, toaster and microwave) and what you can afford to lose (butterflies, lead painted fruit tray and any remnants of orange)

When E and I complete the kitchen redesign I will be uploading some photos to our facebook page and a video for our YouTube page, so look forward to those. And because I’m a masochist by design I will also be posting my budget for all to see, and judge.

Are any of you planning a redecoration? Do you have some great ideas that you are brimming to share? Email us at thetwentiesproject@gmail.com 

Pssst! Wanna see how S’s redecoration plans are coming along? Click here to read more.

vegan living: black bean salad

One of my friends recently came out as a vegetarian. I was so excited for her I went out and ate a falafel that night in an act of solidarity; vegetarians stand united! I know to the average passersby I was simply another twenty-something ferociously devouring a delicious falafel but what I was really doing was making a statement – with hummus on my face.

I have walked the path of lettuce leaves and soybean for a longtime now and, as you know, I’ve grappled with the possibility of flinging myself into veganism. The sheer idea of continuing my life without the delight cheese brings me is almost unbearable – how would I make it to thirty? Shit, I’m not sure I would make it until tomorrow afternoon.

I have trolled the vegan-eating blogs, skimmed the vegan-living cookbooks and perused some articles pertaining to ‘breaking the hold cheese has over your life’ but I can’t seem to move forward on my decision to, at the very least, try out the lifestyle. When I presented the idea to my mother she nearly cried and when I looked to my sister for support she verbally spit in my eye – they both expressed fear I would be eliminating one of my only sources of nourishment; cheese products.

I was shocked by their lack of faith in my resolutive abilities – mind you, I probably shouldn’t have been cutting pieces of cheese off a block of cheese and eating them while discussing such a drastic diet change. It probably did nothing to help my cause. Or later on that night when I slathered sour creme all over my veggie burger. It’s by a sheer act of god I am not seven hundred and forty-nine pounds.

But, when I’m not devouring cheese and clogging my arteries with sour creme, I’m enjoying a delicious black bean salad – which is totes vegan, if you didn’t know.

Take that, Mom.

Black Bean Salad

1 can black beans – rinse, drain and chill
1 mango, diced
1/2 green bell pepper, diced
1/2 yellow bell pepper, diced
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/4 cucumber, diced
2 tablespoons Olive Oil
2 teaspoons Red Wine Vinegar
1/4 teaspoon cilantro
salt to taste, of course

Directions

This recipe is super simple, throw everything into a bowl. Stir to mix. Chill for an hour to allow salad to marinate and reach the level of pure deliciousness. Then serve in cute little bowls. Your friends will think they stumbled into a home Martha built.

Though, if you wanted to nix the vegan part of the recipe, you could add crumbled goat cheese just before you serve.

And here, my friends, is the main reason I will die of a massive stroke caused by high cholesterol at twenty-eight – cheese.

music nook: s jots down his playlist

My sister collects vinyl like I collect copies of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ – obsessively. She is one of those rare audiophiles who can tell you everything you need to know about the sixties, seventies and eighties but rolls her eyes when it comes to the musicians of today. Some could assert she is a musical elitist but they haven’t heard her belting out Christina Aguilera through the bathroom door. She even goes for the high notes and – annoyingly enough – she can hit them, most of the time.

Unfortunately, for me, my vocal chords refuse to try for high notes. Which makes me sad but I love music all the same. I’m a collector of the sad song, unsigned artist and independent band. Between my rampant youtube and wikipedia surfing and the replaying my new favourite song – it’s a wonder I have time to work.

But, since I have time to kill, I’m going to share my current playlist.

1. Born to Die – Lana Del Rey
2. Cough Syrup – Young the Giant
3. In State – Kathleen Edwards
4. Pavlovs Bell – Aimee Mann
5. Skinny Love – Bon Iver 
6. Where It Ends – Landon Pigg 
7. We Found Love – Rihanna 
8. Flying By The Sun – Hobbie Stuart
9. Satisfy – Vedera
10. Fader – The Temper Trap 

So, there wee ones, go forth and share in my song choices. I am a big fan of Hobbie Stuart and urge everyone to check out his YouTube page, he has some brilliant covers. Also – as a general fyi – Rihanna makes for great shower music, even my neighbours think so. And those are notes you can try for.

s-etiquette: porn watching boyfriends

thehiddenfeather.blogspot.com

Dear S, 

My boyfriend is porn-obsessed! He watches it all the time and it makes me really uncomfortable, should I be worried? The stuff he watches is really kinky and I’m worried he’s going to ask me to try some stuff out and I’m not okay with it. How should I tell him it bothers me without offending him? 

I NEED HELP! 

GIRL DATING PORNOHOLIC