So seeing as we’re kicking off wedding month here at The Twenties Project, I figure that with wedding season comes fashion faux-pas season, so as usual I am here to offer my quasi-experienced opinion on wedding style and fashion issues that either no one can really shed light on or the rules are so unclear and/or outdated that no one can decipher them.
Although we are in the promising and fresh new year of 2012, wedding etiquette (especially when it comes to personal style) is still a really tricky subject because so many brides, wedding planners and the like remain to be deeply influenced by the T-word: tradition. That being said, tradition going hand-in-hand with a high energy and high stress event can cause even more t-words, like tension, tears, and take-downs. Not fun for anybody, especially the couple-to-be. And seeing as you as a guest are being invited to this wedding because the couple-to-be considers you to be such an important and valued person in their lives that they want to share their romantic happiness with, the least you can do is mind your fashion manners.
Now it goes without saying that super revealing, super tight clothing is a big no-no, as well as pyjamas, jeans, Halloween costumes and donning the same colour as the bride. Or going all out and wearing your own wedding dress. Shame on you for even thinking that. Which leaves the age-old question: Can you or can you not wear black to a wedding? My answer is two words: Yes…. Conditionally.
I was ringing through a customer at work a few days ago and she had chosen a cute LBD with embellished shoulders along with some fun accessories. I asked her where she was going and she told me she was attending her friend’s wedding, then asked for reassurance that black was an ok choice. So I asked her how well she knew these people and she told me that her and the bride had been close friends for years, she got along well with the fiancé, they were a young couple and had there been bridesmaids, she probably would have been one (the couple chose to keep the bridal party to just a best man and maid of honour). I then asked her where this wedding was being held and she gushed about beautiful, semi-modern hotel rooms that were being rented out for the service and the reception. So I said yes, she walked out with a bag in her hand and a smile on her face and I felt good about the advice I had given. HOWEVER. If she had told me one word different, I would have said no (I’d rather be honest then make a sale). So if you’re still confused and I’m not sitting next to your closet right now waiting to help you out (although I wish I was), here are 5 rules to help you make the right decision independently.
1. What’s going on in the couple’s life and their families’ lives?
You want to take into consideration the people involved in this wedding, and that should involve anything from religion and heritage (some cultures and religions find black or dark colours offensive or disrespectful during certain occasions) to personalities (is the mother of the bride really high-strung and controlling? She could kill you.). You also want to take a second to think about recent events that have happened- if there is an ongoing court case the family is involved in, a recent death or serious illness, a family member who is serving overseas, choose a different colour. While black is fabulous for your figure, it can also psychologically suggest negativity and somberness and no one wants to put a damper on a joyous event like a wedding, especially during a difficult time.
2. What type of guest are you?
If you’re close enough to the bridal party to be able to ask if it’s cool to wear black, or if you don’t ask but there’s no risk of them never speaking to you again if you do, then by all means go ahead. However, if you’re a more distant relative, a friend of the family or couple that doesn’t know many guests, or even a plus-one, leave the black for another event- if your character and personality aren’t well known, then neither are your colour choice intentions.
3. Are you part of the bridal party?
If you are one of the luckiest bridesmaids or maid/matron-of-honour in the world and the bride has granted you permission to wear whatever you choose, then why not? Although with privilege comes responsibility- give the bride the respect she deserves and make sure that you look fantastic and that you get the bride’s verbal and visual approval before the event. However, use your own personal discretion too- if you know that you’ll be in a lot of pictures, the wedding theme is pink and orange (ooh, that would be fantastic!) and you know for a fact that her mother is planning on being a vision in violet and her sister is rocking a LBD (little BLUE dress), you’ll look silly and sad if you’re the only one sans colour.
4. What does your outfit look like?
Not only does this go for any colour, but if for some weird reason you think it’s a good idea to wear something super vintage-looking (and not in a good way), super fussy (would you like some dress with those ruffles?) or super attention-grabbing (skin tight full-length leather dress), then the black needs to go back. To the garbage. Unless you’re going to one of those cool goth weddings.
5. What season will this wedding take place in and where will it take place?
Spring or summer? No. Unseasonally warm weather? No. Fall or winter? Yes. Unseasonally cold weather? Yes. Island or destination wedding? No. Christmas wedding? Yes. Backyard wedding? No. Fancy shmancy hotel wedding with a dash of corporate flair and a hint of a pre-nup? Abso-friggin’-lutely.
You can really apply these 5 rules to any potential wedding outfit because let’s face it- you’re really not trying to piss anyone off. Ultimately when in doubt, just ask the bride. Send her a email, a text, a phone call, a carrier pigeon and let her know that you have a fantastic outfit planned but it is black and you wanted to know whether that bothers her or not. Chances are high that it won’t, and there is no contest when it comes to the brownie points you will earn for asking her opinion first. And if not, just because you may be in a situation where it’s not appropriate for you to wear black, don’t be discouraged- you do have alternatives!! Dark colours like gunmetal, navy and burnt umber are also gorgeous options that can still be extremely flattering for many body types and skin tones- that way you get the effect you want without landing on a bride’s hit list. Or a mother of the bride’s hit list.
Have you worn black to a wedding before and the garter belt hit the fan? Are you a bride or bride-to-be willing to weigh in on the black debate? Do you have a carrier pigeon? I want to hear it all, so drop me a line at l.twentiesproject@gmail.com.
The Twenties Project 